Victory!!!

It has been just a little over 4 years since I was hit by a car, and left with severe brain injuries and banged up body with a rod in my leg... 

What makes it extremely hard is throughout my life I have always been super active with sports, running, and anything that would keep my body in motion, but as a result of the accident it has taken me a long time to get my physical body, and mind back to he point that I could run again. 

I did it!!!!!  

On Monday 8/19, for the first time since the accident I ran two miles non-stop, and it was amazing!!  I know that it may not sound like much but it is a ginormous victory for me, and I am PUMPED!!  I am so motivated to get physically fit and healthy again that I stopped drinking Coke cold turkey 2 weeks ago after about 2 cokes a day for 4 years, and went back to the gym to days later on Wednesday to run 2 more miles. 

The mind is a powerful thing and it's amazing that although I have felt well enough to run for the past year, because my mind remembers the trauma caused by the accident it as created enough fear to scare me into giving up.  I am not a quitter though, and although I have had many failures in my life... my failures have never been the final outcome and they have only created the circumstances that motivate me to prove to myself that I CAN do anything that I put my mind too, and as a result I have had my biggest VICTORIES from my biggest failures.

So to all of you that are going through difficult times and circumstances...  I challenge you to look yourself in the mirror and promise yourself with all of the passions and urgency that you have to DO the things that you WANT to DO.  Make a plan, set a goal, and go to work!  DONT let anything stop you especially yourself. 

I WILL run in a marathon in the near future.  I have always wanted to and now I'm a man on a mission, so it will happen soon enough, can't wait! :)

I am so excited to run tomorrow that I want to put my computer down and go to bed to have enough energy to wake up at 4:30 am and go although I have so much more to say....  So that is what I will do :)

"Many people die with their music still in them." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

The most important questions that men and women throughout the world can ask themselves during their life on earth is "Who am I?", "Why am I here?", and "Where did I come from?”  Why do we not take the time to pause "life" and search out the answers to these questions with more urgency? 



There are countless distractions all around us.  Even while I sit here writing this post, in hopes to share my thoughts, I am tempted by a "push notification" on my phone for Google +.  They, the distractions, are everywhere.  Why is it that we let things that don't matter, and maybe even things that are important but not priority consume our time and thoughts instead of listening to our conscience and seeking answers to these vital questions? 



I heard a quote a couple of months ago that I cannot get out of my head.  It says "Don't die with your Music still in you".  This quote has deep meaning, and if anyone stops to think about it's meaning they will come to realize that the invitation of this quote is to first, find your "Music" or purpose, and second, to live according to that purpose.  I have grown to love this quote very much and wanted to find, if possible, the source of the quote.  I discovered, and I hope this is accurate, that this deep thought was given by Oliver Wendell Holmes (8/29/1809-10/7/1894), and has been modified throughout years.  Many people die with their music still in them. Why is this so? Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it, time runs out. 



Why do many of us die with our Music still in us?  The consequence of living a life with our music locked inside is "regret".  Because I don't want to live a life that I will look back on and regret, I am motivated by this idea and have made it priority in my life to discover my Music and to begin to sing, and sing loud! 



Now if any of you know me, you already know that I am an absolutely horrendous singer... seriously; However, I love to sing!  I feel so bad for my beautiful wife Alisha having to sit next to me in church each Sunday because when I sing, I sing loud.  If I am going to sing songs of worship then I want them to penetrate the gates of Heaven so that Heavenly Father knows that I love Him.  I understand that God can hear me without my loud singing (shouting), but I want to make sure that I am proving to Him that my heart and energy are in my songs.  Why don't I sing my song or share my music with my time that I am allotted during the day?  Why do I waste my time in front of TV or the news at night?  Why am I not "Singing" when I already know the Music that I need to "Sing"? 



What is my "Music"?  There could be many possibilities and answers to this questions...  for example, I love my family very much and being a good Husband and Father are priority goals in my life.  I love sports...  I still hold on to this idea that I can indeed become the first 40 year old man to skip college ball and declare myself eligible for the NBA (Could you imagine).  I also love to travel and would love to see the whole wide world.  All of these are good things, and being a good Husband and Father is vital so couldn't this be my Music?  I believe that it can, "it" of course meaning Father and Husband, and I believe that it should, but I have come to discover that even more then that (being a good Husband and Father) if I don't make my "Music" line up with my Heavenly Fathers music than I have not lived my true purpose and sung my true song.  If I fail to sing my true song, wouldn't that make me less of a Father and a Husband than I could, and should be?!  I believe that it does.  So what is my true Music?



My true Music is this... "I am a child of God, and He has sent me here.", "If I but learn to do His will, I'll live with Him some day".  I have come to know with absolute surety that God is real, that He loves each of us more than we comprehend, and that there is a reason that we are here on this earth.  He loves us so much that He gives us the gift of "will", and with "will" comes free agency.  He created this earth for us as the perfect institution for us to be "proven in all things", whether we will choose Him and His way or some other way, and any other way leads to unhappiness.  By trial and error He allows us to choose and even make mistakes and that is why we have an absolute need for a Savior.  A Savior that willingly and voluntarily offered Himself as a sacrifice for the remission of our sins, and to "break the bands of death" and make possible the miracle of the resurrection.  That Savior is Jesus Christ.  He is "the way, the truth, and the life, and no man cometh unto the Father" but by Him. 

Jesus Christ created this earth and everything on it, and in return as He came to this earth to fulfill His mission "we" cursed Him, spit on Him, mocked Him, and even crucified Him.  Of course when I say "we" I know that it wasn't you or I literally, but I wonder sometimes if my sins against another in today's time would have been a stone thrown from my hand at Him back then. 



This, this is My Music!  This is my desire, and passion!  I have never done anything in my life that has lit me on fire like learning of Christ and bearing my soul and testimony to everyone and anyone who will listen that He does absolutely live, and that He is more involved in our lives than we understand.  I have made it my goal and my mission in this life to live my passion and mission, and to sing and sing as loud as possible so that when I look back on my life here on earth I know that during my mortal probation here on earth, however long I am given, I gave Him everything that I am to make my will line up with His and to be an instrument in His hands to "bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of Man".  Now please don't miss interpret what my desires are...  I know that in and of myself, I am nothing, but submitting my will to His will and perfect way allows Him to use me for the exact reasons and according to the talents that He has blessed me with.  This is Greatness!  I believe that there is no other way to achieve Greatness, other than to allow Him to use us and work through us to bring to pass His divine purposes. 

Last thought...  When I was serving a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I found a scripture that I have fallen in love with which reads,   "His Mission is given unto him, and it shall not be given again." (Doctrine and Covenants 58:16).  We only have one opportunity at this life here on earth.  The choice is yours... What will you choose?  "As for me and my House", I choose Him and I will give all that I am and have to return home,  with my family, to Him the One who has given His all for me to repay a debt that I could not pay myself.  When I die I plan to have no voice left because of fatigue from over singing and letting my Music fill the air... This is my purpose!

"I can only imagine"....

This morning just as I was about to twist my key to turn off the ignition to my truck and walk into the office to start my day, the song "I can only imagine" began to play.  This song is very dear to me because it was a favorite of my Father Kim Gregson who passed away due to Brain Cancer on June 5th 2008... So everytime I hear this song I immediately stop what I'm doing and listen to the words of the song and think about him.  This morning was special...  As I listened I had a very clear picture come to my mind regarding what it must have been like when my Dad passed into the next world.

Dad was a "Gentle Giant" to me and my family!  He was a "Rock" of faith in every sense of the word.  He was not perfect, but God and family were his priorities.  He was one of those guys that walked into a room and immediately the room seemed to get a bit "brighter" because he was in it.  I remember an experience that my cousin shared with me after he passed away.  She was a young teenage girl without a father because MS had taken his life years earlier, and she was struggling at the time to really find her place in this world.  She was attending a Dance with other young men and young women and because her lack of self confidence was sitting out the dances on the side.  My Father noticed this and he walked over to her during the next slow song and said "Let's Dance".  Doesn't seem like a very big thing but to a young girl struggling to find her place it made a huge impact.  That is who my father was...  The guy who looked for those that were "left out" or who did not seem to be "fitting in" and he would seek them out and go to them. 

He was a man with many talents...  He was a people person that loved others unconditionally and was loved back by those that knew him.  He was an exceptional artist.  He had a magnetic personality that seemed to draw others to him because of the way he built others up.  He was a great speaker who when he spoke spoke with passion in his voice and could allow you to almost see into the desires of his heart.  All that said he could have become a stand out businessman, or a powerful persuader in politics if he truly wanted to, but he chose to place his children and his wife's need's and want's first and sacrificed all of his life and energy to building a foundation based on truth and hard work that has carried all of us through trying times.  As he came closer and closer to death and excepting that Brain Cancer was going to take his life on earth, he never became bitter.  Yes he was sad about it and wanted more than anything to be around for his wife, kids, and Grandchildren (Who had just started arriving), but he never allowed himself to develop the "why me" attitude.  He knew God, and he knew our Father in Heaven has a plan for us, and that even after we leave this temporary life here on earth our work and mission is not finished. 

Immediately after brain surgery to remove most of the tumor, several months before he died, dad gathered all of his children together to speak to us.  At this point he knew that it was terminal and very serious...  without giving up hope for a miracle, dad seemed to know that his time on earth was coming to a close.  He spoke to us of Jesus Christ and of His reality, and he spoke to us of truth, finding it and clinging to it.  He also said "I will do anything that I need to in this life, or in the next life to help my family return to our Heavenly Father so that we can all be together.  Those words stuck with me and were at the time very prophetic to what has occurred in his children's lives since.  I have felt him very near since and know that the Lord has truly given His "angels charge over them (us)". 

His legacy motivates me daily...  He put God and his family first always.  He viewed this life as it "really" is and lived so that the love of God, and happiness filled his life.  I am grateful for the example of this great man not because he was my dad but because he was a man that made a difference for good to those who surrounded him in his "circles".

All that said.... What was it like when Dad passed through this life into the next and entered the presence of our Savior Jesus Christ??  I believe and would like to think it went a bit like this....Dad quickly moved to Him (Jesus), knelt at His feet and bathed His feet with his tears of gratitude and love, and after a moment of not being able to speak at all he stood to embraced, and thank (Worship) the Savior for helping him every step of the way and for making it all possible.  Then his huge smile must have crossed his face as the most contagious laugh, I have ever known to grace this good earth, must have echoed through the heavens while he was welcomed home by his family and friends never to part his heavenly home, the Savior, and God our Heavenly Father again.  

I can only imagine!

He "caught" the TRUE Vision of what this life is intended for.  Proverbs 29:18

So grateful for May 4th... 4 years later

Four years ago today Alisha and I, dating at the time, were hit head on by a girl driving a Honda Civic 40 miles an hour on Freedom Blvd in Provo Utah. We were on a scooter at the time, and because we were only about two miles from my apartment renting a movie we weren't too worried about wearing helmets. We were traveling about 35 miles an hour going straight with the right-of-way when out of nowhere a young girl going way to fast turned left improperly and nailed us head on.

Alisha broke her neck (C1,C2) and back in seven places, her femur, knee, and her foot. She was also partially scalped as well (she is very fortunate to still have hair). She was awake and alert through the the whole experience and has scary flashbacks every time she is traveling straight and she has to pass someone turning left.

I broke my leg just above my ankle, tore three of the tendons in neck, and broke my skull in three places. My frontal lobe was hit so hard it began to bleed and swell. I was comatose instantly and remained in a coma for 3 days.

Spencer Ryan Hall who was traveling behind us responded heroically to the accident. After alerting oncoming traffic to be careful, he grabbed a shirt and after "trying" to put Alisha's scalp together held it tightly on her head which slowed down the bleeding. We know by the Grace of our Heavenly Father Ryan was guided to be there to take care of us at that moment!

The responders immediately placed Alisha in an Ambulence and rushed he to the Provo IHC hospital (against her will because she didn't want to leave me). Because I was comatose and not breathing at first the responders thought I was gone and focused on Alisha (it was the right thing to do).

After Alisha was rushed to the hospital the police officers began taking pictures of the scene of the accident because they thought I was dead and began treating it as a crime scene. As they were taking pictures one of them noticed I was breathing and at that point I was rushed to the hospital as well.

At the hospital the doctors frantically began to work on Alisha. She was in extreme shock to the point that she was not recognizing pain, and the doctors were concerned that if she kept moving she might become paralyzed. Her knee and foot were both shattered and her foot was so bad that the first night they felt they would have to amputate her leg from the knee down. Alisha was not about to let that happen and told the doctors that they were not allowed to amputate and to get to work putting it together the best they could. (Sometimes... Stubbornness is ok:). The doctored saved her foot and knee and the only thing missing is the little piggy that went to the market... We believe that he got lost and are still hopeful one day he will find his way home. ;). She had to wear a halo for for 4 months and was in a wheel chair for quite awhile as well. Amazingly once out of the hospital 5 weeks later, she was determined to go to work and did everyday for a couple of months in this condition. She also met an NBA basketball player, Thurl Bailey, at church and couldn't see above his waist because of the halo and his height. She thought he was a giant:).

While I was in a coma the doctors prepared my family for the worst. They did have much hope that I would make it, and IF I did I might not have a brain that worked or might have to relearn everything. My father passed away from Brain cancer 10 months earlier at the age of 52, so you can imagine how my dear mother and my brother and sisters must have felt during the car ride to Provo after receiving a phone call stating they needed to hurry to the hospital because I had been in a tragic accident. When my mom asked how I was the nurse could not tell her and just repeated hurry and get here.

After 3 days in a coma I began to wake up. Because I woke up telling everyone I was wolverine (saw the movie wolverine 2 days before the accident... Awesome) everyone worried if I had my full memory. At first I didn't... I had to attend speech therapy for seven months and fortunately over time and hard work my motor skills and memory began working normally. I had a real struggle reading out loud, it was very difficult and I worried I would never be able to participate in public speaking, which is my passion, ever again. Because reading out loud was my battle I became very determined to never give up and to practice, practice, practice... I woke up every morning for months at 5 am to read out loud for a couple of hours and this was by far the most effective therapy I had.

4 years later Alisha and I are happily and gratefully married and have been blessed to have an amazing little girl Savannah and another little one on the way. I went back to the hospital about 18 months after the accident to thank the doctors and nurses for everything and some of them were emotional when they saw and heard me because they never imagined that I would recover the way that I did.

Alisha and I learned many lessons through this trial for us... We learned Forgiveness in a deep way. Not only did the young girl hit us while turning improperly at high speeds without the right-of-way, but she also did not pay her insurance the month before she hit us so we were left with almost $500,000 dollars of medical debt (I had only been at my job 2 months so hadn't qualified for insurance yet). We also learned about the power of love and selflessness from family's sacrifices to spend time and money to take care of us and stay by outsides daily, and from the doctors and nurses who befriended us, loved us, and helped put smiles on our faces and the faces of our family members during such a crazy time. Tawny Atwood one of our nurses has become an eternal friend (family member) to Alisha and I and she literally was Heavenly Fathers instrument in comforting my Mom and looking out for here.

Most of all... I learned how real and powerful the love God our Father has for us. Alisha and I experienced His love for us daily as we were on the verge of giving up and quitting. I know that God lives... I know that we knew Him before we ever came to this earth, and that although we can't remember anything before we came here, we are eternal beings having a mortal experience and there is a very important reason for this life. I know that we can learn this reason IF we seek after it. Although Alisha and I hope to never experience anything like that again, the pain was unbearable at times, we would never take that experience back for anything because we have had our eyes opened and we are now more willing to see Him and His miracles daily as we seek Him. We live with gratitude now and are so grateful even for things that before the accident we were ashamed of.

We are all so blessed!! There is very important purpose to this life and although it is a beautiful journey I have discovered that there are very important customised lessons for each of us. As we live our lives with purpose and recognized we are not here by some Big Bang chance we will begin to discover Him as we seek just as He wants us to.

Today 4 years after the hardest trials I have ever experienced... Losing my hero and best friend Kim Gregson (Pops), and almost dying with my incredible wife, I am so grateful for this hard but miraculous time in my life. I cannot wait until the day when I can kneel before my Heavenly Father and humbly look Him in the eyes to tell Him how grateful I am that He rescued me and spared me from myself so that I can come home again. Until then I will show Him my love and gratitude for Him daily by the way I choose to live my life, and the service I give to the rest of His children each day.

"Finest Hour"

Since finding out that Alisha is pregnant with our second child last week, I have thought long and hard about the kind of Husband and Father I am choosing to be for my Family.  As these thoughts enter my mind I am reminded of the importance of this life and how my choices and influence will play a major roll in the lives of my children.  It is very humbling to know every thought good or bad I willingly entertain in my mind and act on will leave an impression on my children, which may have eternal consequences.  I pray to my Father in Heaven that He will make up the difference for all that I lack, and help me to focus on my family and their needs rather than selfish desires that enter my mind.  The scriptures teach us that this life on earth is a proving grounds and a probationary period (Abr 3:22-26,Alma 34:32-35), and how the decisions and influence we choose to follow will determine our eternal salvation or damnation.  That said, I feel determined more than ever to seek and follow the Light and Life of this world Jesus Christ. 

I am not a doomsday kind of a guy, I love life and am grateful for the experiences it offers.  I have been on this earth now for 32 years and during that time I have seen a very rapid increase of darkness in this world.  At the same time the good, those who seek Light, become more and more faithful and grow in their testimony of Christ.  I have experienced how every choice that I make has consequences that will either bring me closer to Light and Christ, or darkness and "the father of all lies" Satan.  In the book of Mormon there is a scripture (2 Nep 2:27) that very clearly teaches us that there are only two influences in this world to choose from, it says "Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man.  And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men (Christ),  or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil;  for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself".  These words from a prophet of God clearly teach the importance of our choices.  It amazes me how effective the devil is at distracting us from truths that bring us closer to Christ.  He is so good at getting us to believe that we are the "gods of our own lives", and that we don't need anyone's help or need to rely on anyone but ourselves.  This destructive Pride blinds us from the Truth that all good things and even light itself comes from Jesus Christ.  In John 15 Jesus compares Himself to a vine and all of us as branches of that vine.  In vs 4&5 Christ teaches "Abide in me, and I in you.  As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.  I am the vine ye are the branches; He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit:  for without me ye can do nothing."

I choose to live my life with purpose today because I have a family that relies on me.  We are all in this together and the greatest gift that I can ever give to my children is to help them understand the purpose of this life, and help them gain a desire to seek truth which leads to the Savior Jesus Christ.  Although this life we have been given to live in is beautiful, there's an unseen war going on around us no matter were we may be, and I will do everything that I can to help my children.  Winston Churchill once said "To each there comes in their lifetime a special moment when they are figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered the chance to do a very special thing, unique them and fitted to their talents.  What a tragedy if that moment finds them unprepared or unqualified for that which could have been their FINEST HOUR."  Until the day I die I will do all that I can to help my children during their time on earth, and like my own father did for me I will give up all of my selfish desires for the benefit of my children.  This is my purpose and the only way I will be able look back on this life as my Finest Hour!

1 Corinthians 9:24  Finishers Wanted!

Today I live with purpose because....

I have a beautiful wife and daughter who believe in me and courageously put their faith and trust in me to provide for our family. If coming home to a selfless woman and happy little girl aren't motivation for me everyday.... I don't know what would be.

I am so so grateful for these two amazing girls in my life!